Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Akward Situation

The other day, I was invited to the weekly managment dinner of my department held in the main dinning room of the ship.  The thing is that usually those who attends this weekly dinner to get togheter are either my bosses or same rank ppl like me.  We all have to work togueter.  However, when it comes to bussiness we have to argue and fight all the time.  Thats the way it is.  So I was sitting there at the table with all these ppl and I was like, Ok. I am just out of place, like a fish in the outer space, like a child without his finger to suck. lol.  Anyway, I didnt see the time to escape from it.  At last I could invent an excuse to leave and the manager asked why would I leave early...! 
On the good note of the day, today I did something I've ever wanted to do.  I along with my friend Maria took this parachutte that is pulled by a fast boat.  It was scaring at the beggining, but it was an excellent sensation when I started taking off the sand.  The view was just amazing.  Note that it is just waaaay different than to fly in an airplane, since you are in direct contact with the air, hanging from some ropes and a huge parachutte, at who knows how many feets from the sea, with a scary feeling of falling down all of the sudden. Ufff....but it worth it, and I'll doing again if I had to.
On the not very good note of the day, I was changed I work night shift.  So I am still getting used to be awaken during all the night.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

The Lost Dr. Seuss Poem

I love my job.  I love the pay.
I love it more and more each day.
I love my boss, he is the best.
I love his boss and all the rest.

I love my office and its location.  I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and grey, and piles of paper that growe each day.
I think my job is really swell, there's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my peers, I love their leers and jeers and sneers.
I love my computer and its softwares, I hug it often though it won't care.
I love each program and every file, I love them more if they worked a while.

I am happy to be here, I am, I am.
I am the happiest slave of the firm, I am
I love this work, I love these chores.
I love the meetings with deadly bores.
I love my  job, I'll say it again, I even love those friendly men.
Those friendly men who've come today, in clean white coats to take me away.

Wednesday, July 21, 2004

Hablando con Dios

fecha: 17 de Julio 04 Hora: 7:45 AM
Gracias amigo por compartir este te conmigo. Estamos solos  tu y yo... hablemos, mientras tu presencia me reconforta háblame, aunque no quiera escuchar, háblame... por favor, quiero sentir la sensación y certeza de tu presencia ahora aquí junto a mí. ¿Quién es tan arrogante como Carlos? Me dices tan claramente. No hay duda eres tu, que puedo responder, es la verdad soy arrogante te he desafiado en estos días, he cuestionado tu proceder un miserable y tonto como yo, se atreve a levantar la voz, lo siento perdona mi arrogancia. “¿Para que malgastar el tiempo tratando de agradar a Dios?” Responde mi corazón..   Será que me estoy enfocando en lo material porque mi vida no es diferente a lo que no te sirven. “Escúchame con  entendimiento”...   otra vez es seguro esa es tu voz...   tan dulce y firme, tan directa y clara, ¿acaso puedo ignorarlo?.  Necesito ese entendimiento para aceptar tu soberanía en mi vida en estos días de zozobra en mi  andar espiritual. .. “Por el contrario castiga a los pecadores”... Dios, ten paciencia con este miserable pecador, con el mas rebelde tus hijos, ten paciencia si no escucho tu llamado. “No hay mayor verdad que esta: Dios nunca es malo ni injusto”.   No ha sido eso mismo lo que pensé que eras injusto conmigo?  que no le importabas mis necesidades... y que de alguna manera yo tenia que arreglármelas solo.  Perdona mi arrogancia. “Escucha ahora y procura entender”... No puedo entender Dios trato y no puedo, no puedo entender tu manera de ser, tu manera de actuar tienes mi vida, esta manos has lo mejor... pero no lo veo no puedo percibir que te muevas en mi vida, y no puedo entender... perdona mi arrogancia. “Vas tú a condenar al Omnipotente Juez? ¿Vas a condenar a este Dios?” Me he estado rebelando a tu soberanía porque  no entiendo porque soy rebelde porque soy terco... perdona mi arrogancia. ... “Pero si él prefiere no hablar, ¿Quien podrá censurarlo?”.  No guardes silencio ahora necesito escucharte, ¿será que no te quiero escuchar? Perdona mi arrogancia. ... “¿Tendrá Dios que acomodar su justicia a tus exigencias?” .  Yo se que no tiene que ser así, pero no podrías hacer que mi vida fuera un poco mas fácil.? Perdona mi arrogancia. ... “¿Tendrá que cambiar el orden del universo para satisfacer tus caprichos?”.   No puedo pedir eso es mucha osadía de mi parte, si lo que estoy pidiendo es un capricho, si lo que siento es algo pasajero, tu lo sabes.   Perdona mi arrogancia. ... “La respuesta es evidente hasta para ti...” No puedo negarme ante tanta evidencia de que estas hablándome como mi verdadero amigo haciéndome ver la verdad. ... “Aun sin ser muy listo, cualquiera estará de acuerdo conmigo en que tu Carlos hablas como un necio...”.   Mis palabras no tienen sentido, todo lo que soy parece que no tiene sentido, y estoy de acuerdo en tus palabras. ... “Deberías recibir el máximo castigo por la forma perversa que has hablado acerca de Dios... Porque ahora además de tus pecados has añadido la rebeldía, la arrogancia y la blasfemia.” Oh Dios perdóname no sé que me pasa, que tu mano sostenga mi vida en este tiempo oscuro y frió en mi vida.  Perdona mi arrogancia.

PD.  Palabras escritas por un muy buen amigo escritas en tiempo de angustia espiritual.  El nombre es ficticio.

Sunday, July 11, 2004

Another Gone Week

huh huh huh... Its 5 weeks since I came onboard. Time doesnt wait no one. And thats good, considering that if time pass fast, I'll be back home soon. I use to evaluate how my week are, and this last one which ended today, I can say that I was productive and good. Bad things? sure a lot of them, but in overall I feel that victory was mine through the week. Good things? definitely yes. Couple of days ago, I realized that I was losing my temper so easily with all this ppl around me who always seem to need something. Since part of my job is to supply whatever they need to work, they constantly are asking for stuffs. But when you have 50 cooks asking at the same time for stuffs and not in the best and nicely way, and then you have another whole bunch of other ppl needing attention from you, then a simple wrong question or attitude from one of them can trigger my nerves shut, and then is when I loose my temper. I realized about this because of this I was starting to feel angry and thats definitely not one of the fruit of the Spirit. So I started checking myself and promising myself not to loose it easily. I was determined to just let it pass and be cooled down. But I kept losing it constantly and pretty frequently. At first I got more upset at myself for not being able to control it, but then after failing so many times I started laughing at myself for my incapability to accomplish, and then just then I realized that the only way was asking for God's help to overcome this. Have I completely overcome it? no wicked way (lol) but, everytime I fail to do so, I dont get upset at myself and I ask for God's help. Another good thing I just noticed was that today I just felt the need to be thankful to God, and I just started saying thanks over and over again to Him. Dont get me wrong, I havent won the lottery or gotten a promotion or one of those super things. Just the opposite, things are not all ok and problems seem to be around the corner just to assault you and I just feel the urge to say Thanks to God. Thats a good thing, it changes my attitud to good.

Friday, July 09, 2004

Snorkling Day

Today I took one of the tours offered by the ship to the guests. We went snorkling. First time I ever come offboard in Cabo San Lucas (Mexico). Located in Baja California. This is an amazing place. Everything is brand new, buildings, streets, shopping centers, restaurants, the whole downtown is brand new. First thing I did notice is that this place is so different with the rest of places I´ve been b4. This whole place is owned by rich ppl who built this place to stay in here during their vacation time (or whenever they wish) So you wont see to many locals in here, though is a huge place, there are not to many locals. Plenty of big houses resting on top of the hills and huge boats and fancy cars are the rule in here. Today I just felt myself freed, free from the stress, the noise, the job itself. It was good and I did take plenty of pictures as well. Well, gotta go back to my sad j/k.

Wednesday, July 07, 2004

Another Day on Board

Today, its been one of those days that you feel not very victorious and you start thinking why wouldnt you feel God's presence at all. Suddenly I did find myself deeply sad today. I even lost my appetite. Why would you feel such a pain and sadness even when you are connected to God. Yesterday I kept all day repeating loudly Bible verses and still I wouldnt feel myself happy. Normally in these situations I find peace in bed, sleeping, just forgetting about everything. But I do realize that, that's exactly where the devil wants me. Even though it appears that God doesnt answer my prayers, I know He's there, but it's hard to bless His name when you dont feel very good.
I just came from outside, went to get some fresh air, and I found out there 5 of my guys. One of them was fired because he stole one red bull from the bar. He works in one of the bars and he was on duty when the Manager saw him drinking it. So he assumed that he stole it from the bar. He is sent home this coming sunday. So he was drinking and getting drunk, so where the others guyz. I felt bad for him, he doesnt know another way to overcome this situation but to get drunk. He was talking and talking nonsenses things. Its sad when you come across this things. May God have mercy of him.

Sunday, July 04, 2004

God Taking Care of his Children

Couple of hours ago, while still on duty, I was completely in shock to see one of my guys face covered in blood. I didnt have a clue what happened to him, he only managed to say somebody hit him. He was a little bit unconsiuos. Minutes later I learned that one of his fellow co-worker hit him hard enough to make him bleed all over his mouth, ears and cejas. I took him down to the infirmary and on the way I tried to understand what had happened, but I couldnt understand him very well. Anyway, thing is that the other guy has a very bad attitud. I remember that first week I came, I tried nicely to talk to him and let him know that he had to follow instructions, but he would just totally ignore me. Many times I tried to make him follow my instructions but it was useless. So I had to take him to my boss and he talked to him and scolded him seriously. I saw in his stare that he really was pissed off and he didnt even answered properly to him. I've learned from the past people like him that dont tell you nothing and suddenly they react and do terrible things. I did see that in his eyes. Cold eyes. He definetely was really upset at me, and I didnt mess up with him anymore since there. I did rather ask to someone else to do whatever I needed to be done. A creepy thought hit my mind, the covered blood face guy could had been me, but God is always taking care of his children, I am so grateful to Jesus that he protected me from evil and constantly is.