Monday, August 21, 2006

Learning to Walk a Steady Life

During the past several days, I had been struggling big time with my daily walk with God, and that I could tell because of how many spiritual battles consecutiverly I had been loosing. It seems like whenever you are in the higuest point of your relationship with God, then like a rollercoaster you start descending fast till you realize how bad you are. Spiritual rollercoasters has been the story of my life, story the now more than ever, I feel God has determined to change to a different story in my life. After a lot of thinking, I have come to understand that one of God’s divine specific purpose for my life in me being on the ships is that He wants me to grow mature in certain areas where I am weak and tend to be my rollercoasters and the best way was to take me out of my comfort zone, namely, my country and my family and put me in a place where it is only me and God, no one else. How long more? Only God knows, but one thing I know, it will depend on how much I trust and let God guide me and how much obedient to Him I am. I realized that being home, it was easy to not live up to the Spirit standards, a life full of fruits and a life of holiness. I guess, I would feel crappy for I was letting God down, but in my persistant rebellion it could pass days, weeks and even months in that state of sinful life, apart from God, without taking action and repenting. And then again, after some time and help from my parents and friends I would decide it was enough of that kind of life and I would repent and receive God’s forgiveness and then again after some time would come down. Well, on the ships, being down for any amount of days, is something really really dangerous. I have learned that, the hard way. Sin is breathable in every corner of a cruise ship. It can swallow you in a matter of seconds. Only then I realized, that I can’t let my guard down for a second. And whenever I had, the worst days of my life had come to pass. Days like those, I feel extremely crappy, down, wondering the reason of my existance, and even doubting about my true identity in Christ. The devil had won and he knows it, he had me in his grip and he won’t let me go until and only when I lift up my eyes to Jesus to help me out. I guess this would be the second important purpose of my life at this stage of it. And when this one is growing, then the other purpose of my life which is to reach as many people as possible to God, becomes easy.