Sad

Arrg...I think I've already written about this in the past, not sure though, however what a bummer with this. If anyone ask me what is the worst thing about working on a big company like Carnival Cruise Lines, I'd say, it is making and bonding with friends you will probably never see ever again. I mean, it is bad enough to be far away from home and your friends from you country for a long period of time and then to make some new friends that will last a few months? No way, I am upset. In this particular case for me is even worse. So I met about two years ago a girl during my very first contract on Victory and we were not very close to each other but we were friends and I liked her, but circumstances never allowed me to express to her my feelings and then nothing much happened apart from our not to deep friendship. I signed off that ship after a while and never heard or saw her again until two weeks ago, when she signed on the ship where I am at. I was so happy to see her again and my feelings toward her sort of began to live again, only to know today, that she is leaving tomorrow on transfer to another ship. I mean, I feel devastated, and God knows that this is such a silly thing, but I am pretty sad. I try not to blame myself, but I can't help thinking that if I had told her earlier on my feeling I know she wouldn't have taken the decision to leave, but then again, it was only two weeks, and I didn't want to rush on things. Why am I still single, many of my friends would ask, why don't I even have a g/f. Well, after giving it a long time of thinking, I'd say, painfully that besides the fact that I am not good with girls, in my present position I don't allow myself to fall in love with nobody, because I know it'll be only temporary, as you meet somebody today, and then after a few months either you or her go on vacation and both of us would sign on different ships. So what is the purpose of even trying to build a relationship that is likely to fail? Anyway, all this thinking won't change my present pain and sadness, I already prayed that God help me to walk through these days and I know he will and after a couple of days, all of this silliness will be over for good.