Sunday, November 07, 2010

Today at work, like almost every Sunday, for the past several months, I did hang out with my sundays' gal. Slow day at the information center, low volume of calls, longer periods of time between call and call. For most of the part I would just listen to her stories about her friends, last halloween party, her family and all sort of interesting stuffs. I would jump in here and there to ask a few questions and answer some others, but that's all.

Over the years, I have learned to keep quite during a conversation, first when I have nothing of real value to add and second to avoid confrontations at the wrong time that would end up wrong. For the past few months though, I have shared with my work-gal a few things about my life, about my faith and about the way I think on some particular issues.

What makes today's hang out stand above the other Sundays, is that I dared to ask her opinion of what she thought about me as a whole in every aspect, in other words, the way she would perceive me as a person... the good, the bad and the ugly. Very few times I have done this with anyone, for it is means, becoming vulnerable to be told what one does not want to be told and yet I felt it was something I wanted to do. Long story short, she tricked me into doing it first because since she does most of the talking in our conversations and though it was not my intention, I was given no other choice.

Finallly her turn was up and among the several things she said, two hit home. First, she said, I am the kind of person that thinks and plans a lot about things but very undecided about taking the step towards it, and second about my self-esteem she had to say that on a scale from 1 to 10, I was natural at 4 and on my best days I could be a solid 7. She would base her diagnosis on very vague knowledge of the real me, since we only have a superficial relationship and would base it on the fact that I speak almost none and on a story I told her once about my first girlfriend and how it affected me.

It got me thinking, and she was not too far away from the reality. As bad as it is, let alone the fact of been on the spotlight in front of a work college, I have to recognize that, on my FODA list, those would be top on my weakness list among others I am well aware of. I recently learned that knowing your weakness, specially those that are not well visible from within, but are obvious from the outside, is important in order to work on them in order to overcome it. Been accountable to others about those is sometime the only effective tool to check on them and keep working until it is overcame.

The other thing she said, I am not sure wether or not she said it in joke or what, but got me thinking even more. She said, she had a feeling that I did not believe in God as a christian and that she felt I was more of an agnostic. If that was a real and honest thought of her, which I have my doubt of, then it is quite a serious statement that reflects only one thing: I may not been portraying Christ's love and message loud and clear enough to others. Now, I am crystal clear about my love to Christ as a consequence to what He has done and what has promised to me, such a statement like that would not get me into doubting that, no way. However, it is kind of disturbing as a check point, to realize that I may not be doing what I am supposed to. Specially if it is true what I once heard about witnessing to others: For some, one will be the only Bible many will ever read.

1 comment:

Ruth said...

mmm...Altought I dont know you as much as I would like because we didnt have the time , I have to disagree with this work gal. If there is someone in the world that I ve meet and shows Christ love is you.You encouraged me a lot ever since I meet you. Dont ever change .
Lov u.