Monday, December 19, 2005

They Came Finally

After finally a long period of time the so promised and so waited visit of US public health department came to pass. And it was a huge headache for everyone in the department, cuz we were almost 100% sure that they would come as soon as we landed in America after our european season. But they didn't. The sense of urgency from the team had decreased seriously and people were getting really psicologically tired about the whole thing. It was an hectic morning, right after the announcement over the PA system voicing that they were onboard, everyone started running up and down and around, panic everywhere, yelling and screaming and cursing and a general stress filling the air. I think that over the time I have come to handle better the stress under this particular circumstance. The first 3 or 4 times it was a very shocking experience to me and it would make me feel down and overwhelmed. However this time, I think I did a better job. I don't feel myself emotionally, psicologically and spiritualy drained and exhausted to the point where I would not give a sock about everything the following days. I think I am maturing in this particular area of my life. Finally after the good inspector came and inspected my areas and he left I was allowed to finish my shift and I went for a good well-deserved rest. I was physically exhausted though, but happy and satisfied. Later on I found out that we passed with 99%. The dept. manager was dissapointed cuz he would've wanted us to score the perfect score, specially because this is a brand new ship, but didn't happen. Honestly, I don't care a bit how much the score was, as long as we pass, scores don't make me sleepless.
On the other note of the week, these days I've been struggling seriously with the well-doing of my spiritual life. It hasn't gone as smooth as I would like and to me it seems like I am loosing more than winning my daily spiritual battles. I can't help but to feel terrible and disappointed toward myself. I think it is not even more about the fact that makes me feel vulnerable to the enemy attacks or sad and unhappy but the fact that I am not complying with the mission God has given to me and nothing else fills me with such terror as to know that I am failing to comply with the purpose assigned to me since before of the creation of the world, when God chose me and designed his perfect plan for my life. To realized that the time is passing or flying and I am not sharing and praying enough to the people that surrounds me about his sacrifice in the cross for them to be saved just make me feel as unhappy as a man can get. I keep praying that God helps me find a way to change all this.

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