It’s not a secret for those who have dealt with me that I don’t speak or talk to much just for the sake of it. I rather prefer to be approached and get into a conversation. I feel much more confortable as an either pasive or active listener than of as a speaker. So having that in mind, I have seen how irregardless of my nature, God modifies or should I say upgrade a man’s attitude and particular behaviours inherent to a person, for better in order to carry out His purposes within and throughout a person. As I pray to Him and ask for boldness to witness to others about his love and gift I do realize that for me to achieve that, some major changes have to happen within me, namely, leaving aside the confortability of enjoying my quiteness and sometimes loneliness that I have learned to appreciate as part of my personality. It’s becoming often the times where I have had to spend consuming time talking to co-workers, friends and aquantainces about trivial things and then turn the conversation into a spiritual one where we get to discuss and share about that which ultimately can satisfy our soul and grant us eternal life. I guess, what I am trying to express, is that although I don’t enjoy talking to much, God is changing that upon a personal request, to serve Him by witnessing to others. This brings to my mind a joke I heard from a friend in which there was a brethen joyfully singing a popular christian song taken out from a Bible story in which he asked God to pour down fire, and he is clapping his hands and singing happily “Pour down fire O Lord, Pour down fire O Lord, and suddenly, fire start pouring down and he quickly change the words of the song to “I wasn’t serious O Lord, I wasn’t serious O Lord”. How many times haven’t we ask God to change our lives, to use us as living tools for his glory, how many times, haven’t we sang songs in which we say out loud that we’ll die and give up if need be our last drop of blood or our last breath for Him, and when a little hardship touches the doors of our lives we start crying and asking God where is he or why has he abandoned us. We tend to forget easily our promises and commitments towards God which is real dangerous. When we ask God for something we should expect Him to answer it and when that happens, we should be ready to accept and take up what we have asked. Our spiritual inconsistency cost a lot to the Kingdom of Christ and we will be held responsible for it. I watch in amaze how most girls can spend days talking non-stop about something or nothing and I do enjoy watching it and can’t help but wonder how they do it and as much as that amazes me, the fact that lately I have been in the front line getting myself into long and often conversations that start as trivial and meaningless and end up in something much more important tells nothing but the story of a Father who is willing to change a man’s ordinary behaviour upon his request in order to meet his beloved children prayer. Looking into retrospective, I have met many interesting and not so interesting people and somehow we have bounded and I have got many opportunities to talk to them about God’s love, purpose and eternal gift and while by nature I prefer not to talk or speak, I realize that He has been creating opportunities for it to change otherwise, because I have asked for it and while I feel tempted to turn the opportunities down, I have realized that I would be a fool by asking for something and then turning it down. God is good, for he listen to his loved ones prayers and answers them, just because he can.

Mom

Today mom called to my mobile, and while it was just a fantastic surprise to get phoned, I could sense that there was some uneasiness in her voice. She started asking how I felt and how I was, to which I replied “ok” but with an inquisitive tone of voice. Finally she spit it out and said that grandpa was in a critical state, that he had been hospitalized on wednesday urgently because of lungs problems and that to make it the badder on friday he had a cardiac arrest twice. I listened quitely and while she spoke about the events that followed and all, I couldn’t help to realize that how strong woman is this which God has blessed me for and given me to as a mother. After we hung up, my memories went back a few years ago when my grandmother passed away. It was pretty sad, she had been suffering from different illness for many endless years and she was weaker and more in pain by the day. We all loved her, their children and grandchildren and great grand children had such a delicate care for her, like almost had her as something super special more than the finest of the treasures, for all she sacrified and gave up for her family. So it wasn’t easy to see her suffering like she did and yet, she showed strong and almost never complained. It wasn’t easy to see her on her last day after falling off her bed by accident, complaining of much pain and at the same time worried to death that her children would be upset towards her for falling off her bed and consequently causing herself by accident this suffering and ultimately her death. Mom arrived to her house that day, minutes after the incident like by a miracle and she witnessed the whole event and went with her on the ambulance to the hospital, always talking to her and whispering to her ear that she wasn’t alone, that Lord Jesus was with her and would take care of her, she was there supporting her in those difficult and painful moments for grandma. Mom did not show any sign of weakness during the waiting time in the waiting room of the hospital and rather was there supporting the rest of my relatives who were all crying and sad and upset with all kind of mixed emotions as I remember when I walked into the ICU of the hospital to kiss goodbye grandma. I remember I saw mom’s eyes and they shone with a misterous peace in her heart, she was calmed as she took all of it. Everyone turned to mom, my uncles, cousins and rest of relatives for a word of confort and mom had a Bible verse to give to them and at the same time explained to them that grandma was in a much better place. It is incredible I think, how in a moment like this, extremely difficult for mom, she could still witness to my non-christian relatives and share with them the hope of the christian. The funeral took place and again, mom was there hard and firm like a rock, and everyone turned to mom for support and a word of confort, and as I recall she was serene and in peace. Finally a night or so after the funeral she broke down, alone in her bedroom and she let all the so humanly normal sadness out of her body and that was something that really moved my heart, to see her weep. Dad and us children were there to support her in this her hour of sadness where she kicked it all out. What a strong woman, mom is. So much she had been to in her life, difficulties, adversities, misunderstandings, illness that threatened her own life and yet, we all look to her for confort and support and she is always there with a godly word of advice with patience and love, oh that love that at time we abuse and ignore. I must admit, I feel inspire at this moment. So after all these years, my uncle and cousins and mom had taken good care of grandpa who seemed to be very strong phisically. For many years he tempted death with innumerable falls, but one after another one, he would avoid it. Strong like a bamboo stick. Today, he is in hospital and we are waiting. God’s will is what we want and whatever it is we will always be thankful to Him for every blessing he provided to us through grandpa. For bad and for good, he along grandma shaped my mother’s character into what she is now, all together with what Christ Jesus has carved in her own life. What a strong woman, what a blessing she is. It’s an honor to be her son and I mean it. Grandpa will eventually pass away and already my relatives are turning to mom in search of a confort word and wisdom. And although it’ll be a very hard moment for her to see her dad pass away, she is prepared for it and as much as she will be of support for others, dad and us children will be there for her in that painful moment. Praise God.

Latest News

There has been a lot going on during the past month and half on my mind and around, but I have not found the strength and will to sit down and put it on writing. Well I guess, one of the most significative events around me, has been the recent travel of my parents to San Andres, Colombia which happened last weekend. It was really a good thing for them to fly out together out of the country after 27 years, when the came back from Mexico after I was born. So God blessed them with this trip and they enjoyed it a lot. I guess, that rising up children is beautiful and exciting for a couple of young parents, but as it becomes a routine and monotone, it drains a lot of life out of the parents who don't get to spend as much time for themselves as when they were alone before the children came. And as unfair as it might sound, that's part of the cycle of life. So good for them, it makes me happy.

Apart from this, today is a special day for my friend Mariana, who's birthday is today, so I do feel happy for her as well. Hope she has a wonderful day today. I wish I were there to celebrate it together. Happy Birthday Mari

Family Trip to Chiriqui

My dad always emphatise on the importance of a clear and healthy relationship within the family. He would always go with what he always say and preach about quality time spent in family. As long as I can remember he has always given to it a huge importance and definitely now after years of it I have come to see some results. Thanks God for that. It takes lots of energy to pull a family together and keep it that way, it takes a lot of determination to not to give up despite his own inner struggles.
I am leaving Panama once again this coming 15th of april, just a day after his b-day and we thought it'd be a great thing to spend the weekend out of the city. So we packed our things, jumped in the bus and left to the high lands of Chiriqui. We took turns in the driving, something really new in our family road trips, for this time it wasn't only him on the wheel but me and Daniel. I guess that is just so not important for anyone else to read but me. Anyway, we arrived after almost 7 hours of driving through the night and left our bags and stuffs at the hotel and since we had only two days we decided to start visiting places right away. So our first stop on our vacation trip was the border with Costa Rica, a place called Paso Canoa. Since it was Holy Friday, it was empty and very few people around, so it was not crowded like usual and we did walk a little here and there, did some shopping and headed back to the hotel. We were so tired, and sleepy, but decided to pay a visit to my old pastor friend I met last year during a mission trip. We had previously lunch and when we arrived to his house, we were offered to lunch. So being polite as we were, we gladly accepted it and it was good, but we had to struggle to push all that food inside our stomachs. Spending time with Pastor Eric and his family was an amazing experience specially for my mom. They are still in the process of building their church and it hasn't been easy at all, but obviously by what we saw and felt in our spirit, God is in all this and with him. So after saying good bye and wishing everyone the best we finally headed back to our hotel at almost 6 in the evening. We were so exhausted to say the least. We hit our beds till next day. So next day we woke up early in the morning and we continue visiting some beautiful spots in chiriqui, like Volcan Baru town and Cerro Punta town which is in a very prominent high spot in the territory of Panama. We took lots of pictures and enjoyed the scenery. Next day we headed back to Panama city but right before, we chatted a long while and had a healthy time to share things. Thanks God for it. I guess that so many destroyed homes worldwide, the least we can be is thankful for what God has given to us.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!

Carrying it on

Throughout the years, it has become a habit for me to ask God in my prayers to reveal to me his perfect will for my life. A habit that was passed onto me from my parents that has paid great results and avoided lots of unnecesary headaches.
Two weeks ago, I had to go to the U.S. consulate to get my working visa renewed. I brought all the important papers, the same ones I had brought on the several different previous ocassions, and I was very confident that I was going to get it as usual. To my surprise, the consulate officer denied it for no apparent reason. It really hit me hard and right away all sort of thoughts began to rush through my head. What am I going to do now? Will I find a nice job in Panama? and so many other very much important questions. I sort of got depressed and by the end of the day, I couldn't take it no more. I was feeling real bad and hopeless and only then, I did realize that I had shifted the trust I am to put in God onto me. Almost without realizing about it, I stop trusting God and being thankful for everything in all, and of course it lead me to depresion and hopelessness. So after realizing my wrong approach to the situation I decided to thank God for this and I started to pray that His will might be done in my life, and that no matter what the result, he would give me peace of mind and heart to accept whatever it was, for the Scripture reassures me that everthing works for good. I felt how , during two weeks after the day I got my visa denied, my faith was getting centered in God. There were so many things involved, at times, they would get into my head and won't let me go, and then I would just brush them out of my head and praise God. Finally, yesterday I went again to the U.S. consulate and brought some extra documents I didn't bring the first time and I got the visa approved this time around. As I was sitting on that chair waiting for my name to be called, I prayed once again and I said "Lord, may your will be done" I felt in peace and I was aware that from that moment onwards my life could have changed 360 degrees, and yet I was peaceful. That could only be the work of Christ in the life of anyone. I praise the Lord, for today like never before, I can tell with all security that I am still walking within His will for my life. Ever since last year I would ask God if he still wanted me to be working on the ships and yesterday I heard his voice loud and clear. When the consulate officer said "yes, I will give you the visa", that was God talking to me "yes, I still want you on the ships". Many of my friends and family constantly ask me if I am sure about being on the ships, and they would ask me all sort of question about my future. They care about me I guess, and am thankful for that, but as long as I walk where God wants me to walk, then I am happy and feel 100% secured. On one ocassion, several months ago, a friend of mind who is not believer, asked me "why are you on the ships, if you don't do all sort of worldly things? I told him, if there were not believers on the ships, then, who would tell you about Christ's love and sacrifice? My prayer is that during the days or years ahead of me on the ships, may I always be up to spread the Good News to all.